Monday, September 7, 2009

a sad day

Adia's family took her out of the hospital, again, yesterday morning.

I cannot describe how devastated I was when I arrived all jolly and armed with my little gifts, and then getting impatient as the kind orderlies ran all over the hospital compound trying to find her, then nervous as she was no-where to be found - I nearly apart when someone finally found in a log-book that she had been discharged around 5 am. She was discharged against medical advice (they had to make their mark on a paper to that effect), and though the nurses and orderlies all were very sympathetic to my position, there was nothing more they could tell me, and nothing more they could do.

They also scooped up the 3,000 rupees i had left for the next day of her care. In the future I will be paying only by the day, which will be a bit of hassle but obviously well worth it.

I grew more and more frantic as I searched all their usual places and they were nowhere to be found - asking nearby businesses was little help. They're all rather annoyed with the way I bring these children into the restaurants and stores - normally they're driven away whenever they approach - and I've the feeling they'd keep mum even if they did have any information. I drove around downtown, Charminar, and every other place I could think of, with nothing to show but a colossal rickshaw fee and broken spirits.

BUT! all is not lost!

When I eventually gave up and went home I finally crashed, and was quite oblivious for the next twelve hours or so (the first significant sleep I'd had in four days, so it was quite needed) - and while I slumbered, Mr.Nutmeg went downtown and found them! In their usual places, little Adia on the ground as usual in a filthy towel and grandmum using her for alms.

Please acvcept my apology if I sound harsh - but I am beginning to feel ire toward Adia's relatives, and buy less and less of their story of 'poor exploited ladies in fear of an evil man'. I found something out yesterday - Adia has been checked into Niloufer hospital, in their gov't ward, every 14 to 20 days since her birth 20 months ago, to be given dextrose treatment for one to two days.

This is how they have kept her alive, and as charitable as i want my thoughts to be, a brief glance at reality tells me that this is a deliberate action to keep her just alive enough to act as their cash cow.

I am angry, though still striving to re-align my thoughts.....angry because I can tell Adia WANTS to survive - after everything she has endured, she still reacts immediately to treatment - and survival is her right. Since I've met her, I've watched her fight continually with everything her little soul has to stay alive despite the abominable treatment which is being foisted upon her, and I cannot help but be angry with those who are placing every obstacle in her way. Despite their background, their culture, their past, what they are doing is no less than slowly murdering her.

Armed with this resolve I called and visited every legal avenue i could today. I had little hope for this, and my suspicions were well-founded...there is literally NOTHING the Indian legal system in Hyderabad can (or will) do against this situation. There is no 'aggression' involved, so it is not considered 'abuse' - there is no provision for neglect. I can keep taking her to the hospital, they can keep taking her out. They can refuse to let her eat or drink. It's their 'right'.
Unless I am able to agitate for justice, there is very little way to get Adia away from these people and into a better environment.

A hearing in which I can petition the court for temporry custody of Adia, long enough to get her proper treatment, is not available until October. Let us pray that we have enough time to wait. In the emantime, that I do not lose track of Adia entirely, I believe it will be necessary to give gifts to the family that will continue to make them find it profitable for them to bring her to where I meet them.

Your prayers and thoughts are needed more than ever.

Many projects are underway to raise funds and awareness for little Adia all around the world. Anyone who wants to take part, in any capacity, is welcome to join our discussions on Adia's forum. We hope to see you there!


  1. Maybe it's time to let her go. She's not your child, no matter how much you care about her plight. Unless the mother (or grandmother, whichever) wants her helped, you cannot change this situation. It seems clear that the mother doesn't want your help... she just wants your money.

    All you are doing by paying for this child's time is proving to the mother that the child, neglected, malnourished, and starving as she is, is the perfect money-maker. Why wouldn't she keep the child in this state, if you're willing to pay for her? She doesn't even have to take the child out to beg to make the money - she just has to make sure you see her! You are giving her easy money, and she's not going to do anything to jeopardize that. She is conning you.

    Given that the laws there allow people to do whatever to their children, why would a judge there allow you, a foreigner, custody of this child? That doesn't make sense. The mother is a conwoman, and you can bet that she'll keep custody of the child when all is said and done.

    I know that this child's situation tugs at your heart. But you really cannot change this particular situation - not by going to court, not by buying the child, not by stealing the child, not by bribing the parents.

    So please, let her go. Turn your foundation towards something more realistic and possible than this one child. Use this experience to drive you forward in helping other children whose families are willing to accept true help. Let the mother see how other children and their families thrive when they accept help, and stop playing the mother's game.

  2. I differ from Chantelle's opinion, and say that you should do what you think is right. If supporting this child by 'playing the mother's game' and eventually lead to her fit survival, then you have ultimately succeeded. If you don't reach that ultimate goal, then you've tried, and you've made a difference. You can go as far as your heart and reason tell you, and there may be a time for you to let her go, but if you feel this is the right thing to do by making sure the grandmother returns to a place where you can find them by 'bribing' them; to file a court hearing to make sure this child is not being neglected, according to human right and ethical standards; if you see something that is wrong, do everything you can. I would be doing the same in your position.

    Go as far as you can, Nutmeg. Run with it, but run with your head alert. Just make sure that this is a safe - mentally, physically and financially - road to venture. You have our support with whatever you choose to do!

  3. I have to agree with Chantelle here. As horrific and unjust as it all is, these people are using your good intention and goodwill. This is a con game they have been playing and will continue to do so. They have no regard for Adia or anything else, only greed and money. They will never allow the poor child to become healthy, that would ruin their business. India will never allow you or anyone else to to have this child. I believe you should run as far from this as you can and put your heart into something that can have a happy ending. You are an amazing woman- this will only hurt you. Please stop letting these awful people abuse YOU!

  4. Agreeing with Lori and Chantelle here. As awful as this situation is, and I truly do feel sorry for Adia, it's become quite apparent to me that the situation will remain the same. They're going to keep discontinuing her treatment and preventing a recovery because as someone just said, she is their biggest cash cow and why would they stop that?

    I'm very sorry about all of this and I can't even begin to fathom how a human being could do this to their own child or any child this point, they're just going to keep taking you for everything that you have. And I completely understand wanting to help her but this is not going to get her or you anywhere.

  5. Nutmeg, I'm sorry to hear the news. Unfortunately, I don't know what more you can do, after all Adia is their child and like Chantelle mentioned why would the courts give you custody, especially is there is no abuse is found? It's a very sad situation.

    Also, I can't help but wonder if they did this with their other children? Probably not the boys, but the other girls? They had to survive somehow before Adia came along. These people are cons, no doubt, I had a funny feeling that they were not living in fear of the father when you wrote that you got a script filled only to find out it was for him, not one of the children. I don't know, a red flag went up for me at that point.

    Who got the 3.000 rupees, the family or the hospital? Nutmeg, I don't know how you can contain yourself around them, I'd flip out or something. I'm really sorry things went this way.

  6. This is very sad but I think inevitable. Adia was probably born with disabilities and has been used to help gain sympathy while begging as is common practice in India. By finding someone giving so generously her life and suffering is being prolonged (the bleeding being an example)she has become a very valuable asset to be kept alive and in this condition as long as possible. The worst thing is that this is validating such practices while begging and will in all probability lead to even more children (including otherwise healthy ones) being made to suffer by starvation and even physical maiming in the same way as word spreads how successful this family have been and others hope to come to the attention of such a kind and generous benefactor.

  7. I support you 100% Nutmeg... if all children who were "lost causes" were tossed to the side... how many of us would not be here today?

    Do not give up hope... do not give up caring... do not give up on Adia because we will not give up on you or this cause.

    Sending all of my love and support... Keala


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